don't make me go

I am leaving my apartment in 4 hours to go 'home.' I'm sorry Cincinnati, but I've grown fond of my life here... despite the fact that I am poor... it suits me more. Ohio brings me down. Which is actually a good thing.. I can probably get some rockin source material. So prepare yourself Ohio.. if you thought I was crazy before.. you haven't seen nothin.

alarm alarm alarm

I woke up today without the aid of an alarm clock. The simple pleasures in life. I also have done nothing. Except think about the fact that
a. tomorrow I will be 26
b. I have more debt than anyone I know
c. I have no career
d. I don't like my art anymore
e. I wish I could stop dwelling

Oh well. At least tomorrow I get to go out, eat good food and drink fancy drinks with good friends. That is really what it is all about.
Happy is only something we realize after the fact.

yays

oh the things I had forgotten

haha

I found this of me and noah

and this picture of me and rob!

i found this picture of dana and it made me laff

and......... i cut my hairs!

goals

So I have decided that I want to pursue something else I love. I am applying to go to Kent State for a Master's in Library and Information Sciences. I figure that I am just so tired of all the art bullshit.. that it is kind of ruining art all together for me... I don't even feel like painting these days... and I always feel like painting... And I do want to do something more rewarding than fight with other artists to be recognized. This way... I can work with a university or museum and do research/teach/inform people about art and how to gain more information, and I can still be an artist and show my work. Maybe I am just too old for all the politics of the art world, or too smart for it. Sometimes I feel like the most idiotic people can bullshit their way to anything... while the smartest people sit back and think about things more... I feel good about this... I feel like I am starting to make sense of what a life for me could be... and stop worrying about what it isn't.

I love books and literature and art... and many people don't know how much I love libraries.. even the old book smell. So. Here goes. Wish me luck. And I think I am finding what I have been looking for.

this is my mess

this is where I work. this is my disaster. this is where I feel comfortable. this is where my life is. this is where I want to be. it is home. it is love. this is living. this is sacrifice. this is ambition. this is friendship. this is passion. this is obscene.


this is what it is. this is so much more.

motivation

Despite the fact that I was hung over and tired as shit... I managed to get my ass in the studio. And. It.was.amazing. I had the best painting day that I have had in a long time. It was non-stop art making for hours.. and I feel inspired. What a feeling. Now I remember why I put myself through this torture of being an artist, being poor, and paying too much for school.. Something must be working.

to do

I should read more. I feel lost in a sea of words that I don't understand sometimes. I think I used to be smart.. up to date on all the art jargon. Now I am at a stand still. I know what I know.. but I don't as much as I used to know, and I don't know what is going on right this very second. Maybe the world is too big for me, or maybe I let myself fall behind in the past few years... I've forgotten that I can't just be a good painter.. I also have to be a good bullshitter. I need to relearn. Damn.